Ten years ago

I remembered earlier this week, but I almost forgot tonight, that today would have been my ten year wedding anniversary. I can't even imagine how my life would have been different had I still been married today.

As Brad said a couple of weeks ago as I was unpacking my high school year books, "Did you ever imagine that you would be 30 and living with a gay man?" Well, no, considering where I came from and how I grew up, but I can't imagine anything else right now. I went through my senior high school memory book and read to him where I thought I'd be 10 years after high school graduation. I was going to be married with a kid with kid number two on the way and have my Ph.D. in astronomy or astrophysics on the way to becoming an astronaut. Funny how life deals you a different set of cards.

Getting divorced is something I will never regret. I do, however, regret that I hurt some people on this path called life. However my ex, as far as I know, is doing fairly well. He is a lawyer and began dating his future wife while we were separated (he was her lawyer for her divorce from her first husband with whom she had three kids). He called me up in January after we were divorced in October after two years of marriage and said, "Guess what?"

I said, "I don't know, tell me."

He said, "I'm getting married."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, and I'm going to be a dad."

"Really?!?"

"Yeah."

They were married in February and their daughter was born later that year. Since then they moved to Kansas City and have had a son.

I think we realize now we are both better off. It was a mutual separation and although I was the one who asked for the divorce he was the one who filed the papers. We drove together to the divorce proceedings because he didn't want to get divorced in the same county as he practiced law. He was my attorney as well as his own because I couldn't afford another one. I remember the judge asking me questions himself because he was afraid I was being pressured into the divorce. "Are you going into this divorce willfully? Do you feel you are getting your fair share of the assets acquired during the marriage?" There really wasn't much that was acquired during the marriage as we were only married for two years, but I remember that we had the hardest time splitting up the CDs. After the court appearance we went to Hardee's to have breakfast. We had met while both working at Hardee's in M-ville while he was in college and I was in high school. It was very amicable.

I would run into him occasionally at Wal-Mart while I was living in K-ville and he was living in a town outside of K-ville. He seemed happy, for which I was happy for him. I realize now that I was entirely too young to get married and that's the main reason the marriage didn't work. I wasn't really in love with him and I had to find my own path in life to find my happiness.

My life today is so much different than it would have been had I stayed married. My ex's mother was a traditional stay at home mom, and I truly think he wanted someone who ultimately wanted to stay at home with the kids. I was more the career-minded woman who didn't fit into his plans even though I had dropped out of college while we were together. He ultimately wasn't what I wanted in a husband either. His dreams in life weren't as high as mine - for example, his dream car was an Oldsmobile. Maybe I'm a bit materialistic, but I couldn't imagine myself with a man who didn't want a BMW or a Mercedes as a dream car.

Ten years ago I was a simple girl who wanted so much to make my ex happy. Today, I am a career woman who wants to make myself happy. It's amazing how much can change in ten years.