It’s the Friday before Memorial Day and half of the office has taken a vacation day, which makes me want to not be at work today. So I thought I’d take this opportunity to blog a bit. I thought I’d blog in more detail about my trip this weekend, so you’re going to have to wait for the recap (I know you’re absolutely DYING to hear about my trip ;) ).
I feel as if I’m having a bit of an existential crisis. Last night as I was channel surfing I got this feeling like my life was so small and pointless. I know that my every day goings-on don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world, and I think that my experience in Mexico has just solidified that thought.
I got to thinking about my grandpa who would have both turned 78 and celebrated his 58th wedding anniversary this week. He was just a farmer and no one of significant importance, but he made his mark on the world through his family. What have I done that’s really and truly made a difference in how this world operates?
I think after seeing the people of Cancun making their money off the materiality of the stupid gringos has made me realize the insanity of it all. We work to pay our bills, and we pay our bills so we can enjoy a lifestyle that we deem necessary for survival. Every day it’s the same thing, and on the weekends we reenergize so we can do it all again on Monday.
What I’m missing is the entire world-view picture – the “circle of life” if you will. No, this is not my biological clock screaming to be heard, but a desire to leave a mark on the world. I’m not saying that the only way to leave a mark is through producing heirs either. A mark can be left by helping those who need it or by improving the environment or doing something else that will be a benefit to future generations.
I don’t want this to come across as an egotistical desire to be known and loved, but if I die without children will anyone remember my name a couple of generations from now? Will I have made a difference in anyone’s life? How do I go about making my mark on the world?
1 comment:
Man, have I been there. You are not alone in feeling that way. the insignifigance of it all can sometimes bring my life to a complete standstill. I always try to think about stuff coming up in my life (whatever it may be) that could change it forever and what a shame it would be if I didn't get to see it.
Hang in there.
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