I've always been the "good girl," which is not to say that I've always been good. I'm just not sure that I've ever taken a real risk in my entire life. It seems as if I've always done the safe things, and when I have taken chances it's always been because I knew I had a safety net. I generally try to avoid putting myself out there for fear of getting hurt.
Now some of you that know me might argue that getting a divorce was taking a risk, but I disagree. I think that divorcing my ex was the only thing I could have done in the given situation, and that is not a risk in my book. That was choosing life over death.
Lately I've been feeling like I'm missing out on life. I'm 31 years old and I've never had my heart broken. I've never lived outside of Missouri, or moved to a new town without knowing someone there. I know that I'm extremely emotional, but what am I really afraid of? The only way I'm ever going to know true happiness and true love is to experience true sorrow and true heartbreak. I need to remove myself from my buffer zone and experience life.
Of course, that's going to have to wait until after tax season.
3 comments:
i think most people wish they have never had their heart broken.
and you have done a lot of things no one else has.... you bought a house on your own. you went back to college. you moved from a rural area to a big(ish) city. who cares if they are in the same state or not, they are not in the same state of mind. you have lived a great life. don't think you need pain to feel to live.
you have done so much more with your life than most people.
Thanks for the kind words! I know that I've taken some chances and I hope I'm not sounding like I'm complaining about where I'm at in life because I am happy with what I have. But looking back, those things that you listed don't really seem that risky to me. They seem more like the next logical step for me to have taken, or what was expected of me, more than a risk. I'm talking more about a completely, out of the blue, "what possessed her to do that" type of thing. Does that make sense?
sometimes the most logical step is jumping off a cliff, sometimes it's just going to work.
it's all prespective. i think people who are adventure seekers are looking for fulfillment in life. you already have that.
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