Tonight Angela and I went and saw The Notebook at the Galleria. The movie is based on a book by Nicholas Sparks, so I knew it was going to be a tear-jerker. And sure enough it was, but it was also an absolutely beautiful love story. Good movie, I'd give it 3 stars on my 4-star scale.
After seeing the movie I find myself thinking about love and people sharing their lives with others. I think of my parents who will be celebrating their 34th wedding anniversary next month and are still blissfully happy together and best friends. To this day I've never seen them fight with one another - sure they argue, but they never fight. I think of my brother who will be bringing his girlfriend home next weekend to meet the family for the first time and is talking marriage. I think of my grandparents, who were married for 56 years before Grandpa passed away, and how my grandma seems so lonely without him. I think of my other Grandpa who, after my grandmother passed away in 1983, was lucky enough to find love again and has been married to my step-grandmother now for 20 years. I think of my friends who have been lucky enough to find their true loves and those friends who haven't been as lucky.
As my thoughts turn to my own love life I know that my own great love story hasn't been written yet. At times I wonder if it ever will. Although I have loved in my life I wonder if I've ever really been IN love and what that must feel like. I've really wanted that feeling before, but to actually love someone so much that it encompasses your soul is a very scary thing. Am I so afraid of getting hurt that I refuse to allow myself to fall in love, or have I just not found the right man yet? And if it is that I haven't found the right man yet, why am I so afraid to look for him? I see the happiness that my parents have and want that for myself, but at the same time I feel they have set the bar so high that it's unattainable (I know, "Listen to the poor girl whine about how her parents are too happy - poor thing" - sorry).
I haven't given up on love completely, it just seems so removed from where I am in my life right now. I'm happy with my life, but I would love to have someone to share my deepest thoughts and feelings with, someone who wants the same things out of life that I want, someone who is not only my lover but my best friend. It would be really nice to have someone special to share my life with. I just don't see it happening for me any time soon.
Sorry to be such a downer, just needed to get some stuff off my chest.
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